


I'm Sorry

by Twisted_PDnim



Category: GOT7
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lost Love, M/M, Minor Choi Youngjae/Mark Tuan, Non-Graphic Smut, Tragic Romance, coco - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 07:46:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13336638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twisted_PDnim/pseuds/Twisted_PDnim
Summary: Have you ever love someone  so much that it eventually becomes a sickness and you need them more then anything because they seem to be the only cure to their cancerous infection called love.“oh, then, would you like to keep me company? Mr. Tuan”“don't call me, that call me Mark"“okay, Mark"Jackson wang why do you look so happy to see me?





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> A MarkSon oneshot!! 
> 
> Idk if I should continue this one. I kinda like it like this.

###  ♤

###  The Temptation: The Heart ache

Its captivating, almost alluring yet intimidating and quite fascinating. The teasing the playful hit on the shoulders and the laughter that fills the empty space of every empty corner in this room. Call what you will but it’s not love it’s not a small crush or anything involving any feeling from the heart. It’s just two close friends, two very close friends with such a strong bond and that all it is, a strong bond between two people… two young boys.  That is why it can't be love, it's can’t be a crush.  it's can't be anything that involve the heart thumping for someone else warmth. It couldn’t be So no matter how long some night may feel or how desperate the heart wishes to be heard. They refuse to listen to it because  if they did, everything will be ruin, everything… every little thing will go wrong. 

But It’s exhausting it’s frustrating these suppress feeling of warmth and pain and those  long night of no sleep and constant thought of what if? And Maybe? But couldn’t be… the long night of tears and wet pillow and that small gasp of air follow by a “why me?” and “oh god it's hurts so much”. That aching feeling in the center of the chest as the question remains unanswered but that all it is. All because they swore to not let  anything that involves strong feeling or even other people get in between them and their friendship... not even their own.

But it was so captivating and so intimidating that it was so hard to keep it all in.  it felt suffocating and heavy  It was to much to hold back.  it was like a bottle that kept getting filled that it burst, like a balloon with no more room for air to be blown into that it popped. There's only so much one can contain for so long. But now there no laughter to fill the empty space in every corner. Just long night and long shower with warm water to wash away the tears that wouldn't stop and long desperate gasp of air after every deep inhale of breath to contain the loud harsh cry that remain in the center of the chest. Because now their gone because of one little slip of the tongue everything was shattered. Every happy moment gone like it was never there to begin with.   
  


♤

###  The Memory: The encountering  

It shows, the moment he left alone the way his eyes lose their sparks and the way that smile that would lighten up the whole room quickly vanishes within less of a minute or so. The way he sit alone in the empty classroom and stare at the ground beneath him. Most of all the way he carry himself: shoulder slouched head hang low, the way both hands are shoved into his sweater pockets, He different when he left alone. What happen to the guy who head is held high with that loud yet high pitch laughter and that honey like  joyful tone of voice and those glistening eyes that make you feel this warmth in the center of your abdominal.  It’s like two different people, the one that always smiling and loved and surrounded by everybody, the high class kid with such great posture and great mannered; he nearly resembles a prince. Than there the quiet one, the one with such a vulnerable and lonely look, with no one  by his side. This poetic looking dark brown hair, pale skin and emotionless eyes with no spark in sight. It's saddening actually to see that look of hopelessness suppress him like this and yet it's also comforting and It’s tempting and captivating too.  Kinda make it easier to approach him...

_ “um, hello, are you Jackson?”  _

There it is, the spark in his pure black eyes, the joyful expression on his face, that smile that grows wide and the warmth that it brings. The sweet tone of his voice and that scent of strawberries that linger around him. But those eyes of his, the way they express his true emotion and how they switched so quickly from this blank sharp look into this soft and shimmering look. it's fascinating and exciting.

_ “Oh, hey what’s up?”   _

_ “Sorry to bug, you look lonely sitting here all by yourself.” _

How does he do it? How does he manage to look so peaceful and happy in front of everyone so easily like that… 

_ “oh, then, would you like to keep me company? Mr. Tuan” _

_ “don't call me that, call me Mark"  _

_ “okay, Mark"   _

Jackson wang why do you look so happy to see me?  
  


 

♤

###  The Mistake: 2 months ago 

It was about two month ago when it all happen. The candle lights flickering and the the way the moonlight glisten within Mark loving yet alluring eyes. The sound of their soft shuddering voices, And the sinful yet tender look within Jackson’s eyes. The feeling of his fingertips pressing against the soft delicate skin of Mark neck. The way Jackson’s lips ghost across his lips, so soft and sensually follow by those little sounds of pleasure that slip after every arousing kiss. The taste of that cherry flavored soju, A bitter sweet taste that lingered upon Mark fade pink lips. the way he tugged at Jackson shirt as he tried so desperately to close the small space in between them. The way Their body moved in such a perfect in synced motion followed by the soft murmur and hushed moans and grunts that escape. The smell of hot musk and cologne that filled the air. The way their heated panting and breath that flogged every glass window and mirror. The sound of the bed squeaking and the loosely cries of pleasuring pain. Mark's sweet purrs and groans that slip every time Jackson tighten his grip on his hips and the heavy panting followed by “uh- fuck” and  “mmm.” after every thrust of Jackson hips. oh how Mark love the way he moved them so diligently. That tight firm grip of Jackson strong hands on Mark tender thighs, and The feeling of his lips pressing against Mark neck and chest sent shiver down his spine every time.

that night was breathtaking, so sweet and tender so hot and lustful. So filled with passion within ever touch and every moan that slip became a sweet love song to their ears.

It was that night that ruined what they swore to never break. all because of a couple of bottles of cherry flavor soju and a little slip of a kiss that lead to a hot steaming sensual night of intoxicating kisses and indescribable longing for one another. Feeling were present, love and caring was expresses within their gentle touches. The way each kiss that Jackson placed upon Mark collarbone made his heartbeat thumping so loudly. it was clear that this is what they both been wanting. To hold one another, to feel each other warmth and touch. 

_ “ I love you ”  _ Jackson’s whispered. Those 3 words  left Jackson’s lips so easily so freely yet so sincerely.   _ “i love you so much”  _ he whisper again only this time louder, stronger yet still sweetly and filled with so much more passion.  _ “i love you Mark _ ” it's impossible for it not to be anything other than a drunken fuck. 

It couldn't be, not with how tightly Jackson held onto him and how each kiss had a spark to it. It wasn’t a mistake, at least, not to Mark: it wasn't something he’d ever regret. In fact to him it was a beautiful night, where love was expressed with gentle touches and bitter sweet kisses and confessions from the heart. 

_ “I love you too Jackson.”  _

It was a beautiful regret, because even though they  don't talk anymore, he can see it. the longing and need in Jackson eyes every time their eyes meet in the halls. It's there too.   
  


The mistake was letting him go

 

 

♧

###  The Recovery: Letting go. 

Youngjae said in order to get over a broken heart, is to listen to happy songs and to get out of bed and hang out with close friends, as if nothing wrong. Obviously he must have never suffered from a broken heart. Because it's hard to just wake up and smile, to just  go out and pretend that everything okay.  because all that the heart feel is pain, so much pain that it’s hard to laugh without crying because that person runs back into the memories that once brought joy but now only bring more pain. So how can someone listen to a happy song when only sad song seem to ease the pain of a wounded heart and how does seeing other people happy make someone feel any better. when all around are couples and people in love; It doesn’t it makes it worse. it make the heart  ache even more for that someone embrace. 

But sometimes, rainy days can soothe the loneliness in the wounded soul and the sound of the raindrops tapping on the glass windows helps the chaotic mind become sane. The dark cloudy gloomy sky that seem to sympathize so well with the shattering heart and those lonely night of teardrop covered pillows. Followed by the sad melody that plays in the background of the dark bedroom and the loud yet muffled cries that blend in so well. Yeah those type of rainy days are the kind that soothe the damaged heart and help calm the chaotic mind. Because night like those help you realize that it's time to let go and move on. So from every  _ i love you  _ to every  _  i need you _ turn into  _  i loved you  _ and  _ i’m doing so much better with you _ . 

Because now  _ I've finally let go of you. _

 

 

♤

###  The relapse: Mental breakdown

It felt suffocating and intoxicating, It feels like your drowning, like your whole body was beaten until you lost feeling and then your thrown into the cold Arctic Ocean. Like the heart was being squished and then released just to be squished again. It felt worse than the break up. It felt like being hit by thousand of rocks and being kick and pulled then dragged against the hard solid concrete floor, naked and drenched. It felt like being strangled, like being trapped in a box with not enough air to breathe. 

The body aches and muscle pain from all the pillows that were thrown. To trying to break every little thing that once belonged to that person. _ Why did you hurt me _ he’d cried as he look at every sweet photo that held a sweet memory. Mark thought he recovered, that he no longer held any feeling for Jackson in his damaged heart. But he was so wrong, because now the ground won't stop moving and the walls wont stop breathing and his own thought keep on screaming _ it's over! You will never be good enough! You're the only idiot crying!  _ Because now he happy, because now he’s holding someone else in his arms. 

Mark was told to  never wishes bad on their but to see him smiling. To see him smiling at someone else with so much happiness broke him more than he ever that he could be.  _ That smile was only meant for me _ it hurt so much because Mark still loves him.  _ I’d crawl back to you if you ask me too _ . And no matter how much he wanted desperately to let him go he couldn't. 

So that self loathing that lingers in the heart and the words that run through fragile mind like “  _ why was i not good enough?”  _ and “ _ what do they have that I don’t? _ ” People would think that the hate the heart feel would be towards the person that cause this sufferment. But instead it hates it self more than anything else.  _ “Was i ever in your heart?” _ Because all that they see is the love of their life being in love with someone else, someone new. Someone better. Someone who isn't them.

“I’m sorry that i can’t let you go”

And now the world that was once so colorful and vibrant is now black and grey because when he left, he took the color with him too. 

♤

###  Every Little Thing: it's just like him.

There was this puppy, it was cute, small and white, it was so small its head was Mark fist size. It was cute and playful it was energetic and loud at times. It made Mark feel like he had someone by his side. Its eyes were huge but that only made it twice as cute and it had this cute small nose like a button from a teddy bear. Its ear seem to be perfect for its small head and its body seem too small for its head. It was funny yet cute. They said it was a Maltese and it was a she. She was perfect for people with allergies like youngjae. Youngjae name her coco. Coco was sweet and playful around others and bark when she got excited but when left alone, she tend to cry and whimper. You could see it in her eyes that when she left alone she feels  sad and lonely inside. It made Mark feel wanted and needed. it made him feel butterflies inside his stomach. She was needy and loud but that only made her even more cuter, she has a high pitched bark and she like to be pet and smothered. She remind Mark of someone. 

“isn't she cute! Mark!” 

She remind Him of Jackson.   
  
  


♤

###  The Cry For Help: I need you.

It's that moment of weakness, when everything feel heavy and nothing looks motivating. That slightest moment of loneliness. 

If only he was stronger than this. 

The Peaceful silence that was broken by the three rings from the other line,  _ please pick up _ the slightest hope that has lost all its meaning after three more rings but nothing.

The sound of the water running that falls so effortlessly.   _ Answer me  _

Just to hear his voice, that all he needed, the sound of his calming voices. Three more rings was heard against Jackson ear. each single tears falling after one another and shuddering intake of air filled in the silence for a split second. 

No answer, 

One more time.

Jackson need to hear his voice just ones, just for a little bit. A single hello would do it. 

Jackson was torn between his desire to call one more time and hesitation from the fear of being rejected again. But he use all the courage he had left and reached for the phone once again.

 

_ Rrrrrng, rrrrng, rrrng _ .

 

He stared at his reflection with a small hint of hope in his now red puffy eyes, his knuckles whiten from how tight he held onto the ledge of his bathroom sink. 

 

_ Rrrrng, Rrrrng, Rrrrng-  _

 

Its cut off and the silence was broken. _ “Hello” _

No respond, there was a knot, it refuse to allow the words to escape his throat

_ “hello?” _

His mouth was open but no words would form,

_ “J-Jackson?” _

That all it took, his sweet honey voice to call his name to pull him out of the darkness he was falling so deep into. 

“I made a mistake” he cried 

You could hear it in Jackson voice, the shuddering sorrow and the pain that follows behind. Mark didn't respond, but he was there, listening, waiting. 

“I miss you” the tears fell rapidly leaving tear stains against his pale cheeks. 

_ “ i miss you too”  _

Jackson knees felt weak, his entire body lost feeling and the only thing he could remember was how fast the lights went out after he heard those words coming from that honey like sweet welcoming voice. The warmth of the water falling out of the tube and the numbness that took over his whole body. 

_ “J-Jackson?”  _ it was muffled 

_ “jackson!” _ its was slowly fading 

_ I need you…  _

It felt calming, to fall into the his voice, to hear it again. 

_ “Jackson!” _

_ I made a mistake… I shouldn't have let you go. _

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading it and comment me below of what you thought of it! 
> 
> It was originally a JJP FanFic but I some how changed it to A markJae then into A jinson then it became a MarkSon one. I feel like it fit MarkSon more. Anyways don't forget to give my story a kudo and share it with other you might think will enjoy this and also if you like this then you might also like my other story's. Thank You!


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